Marketing definitions

Here's some really entertaining marketing definitions that I was able to dig out from the archives. Enjoy :)


You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "Clint Eastwood said I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Celebrity Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's more fantastic in bed than the brunette by the window."
- That's Comparative Advertising.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "Every guy at the McDonald's on Finch Avenue says She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Institutional Advertising, and...... Corporate Endorsement.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see several handsome guys with whom you have never slept with before. You walk up to them and say "I'm fantastic in bed"
- That's Market Penetration.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy who you slept with before. You walk up to him and say "I'd like to sleep with you again in a different position"
- That's Market Development.

You're at a party and see several handsome guys with whom you have never slept with before. Open your top more, tug down your pants to expose your thong, and walk up to them and say "I'm fantastic in bed"
- That's Product Development.

You're at a party and see several handsome guys with whom you have never slept with before. You look at the girls with the guys. You walk up to the girls and say "I'm fantastic in bed"
- That's Product Diversification.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
- That's Tech Support.

You're at a party, you walk around the room asking the men how much money they have in their wallets, if they have a car, and if they have a job, then you decide which ones to give your phone number to
- That's Target Market Segmentation

You're at a party, you tell one guy "I'm fantastic in bed!", he turns to the next guys and says "She's fantastic in bed", this second guy turns to a third guy and says "She's fantastic in bed"
- That's Viral Marketing

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof
of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.

You're at a party, you tell one guy "I'm fantastic in bed!", her ignores you because there are several other women at the party.
- That's Elastic Demand

You're at a party, you tell one guy "I'm fantastic in bed!", he jumps on you right away and offers you dinner and a movie - there are no other women at the party.
- That's Inelastic Demand

You're at a party, you tell one guy "I'm fantastic in bed!, and.... you only have to take me to Burger King afterwards, but that blonde, you'll have to take to the Keg"
- That's Price Differentiation

You're at a party, you tell one guy "I'm fantastic in bed!", he's interested and to gives you his number, later in the evening you meet several other guys and the hesitate to give you a number because a whole bunch of new girls have arrived. At the end of the night you give your number to the ugly looking guy collecting empties.
- That's the Product Life Cycle

You see several handsome guys at a party. You go up to them and using covert hugging and flicking off imaginary lint, you manage to slip your telephone number into their wallets. You also take out any other telephone numbers they may have collected and write your telephone number over top of those numbers, in bigger letters.
- That's Search Engine Optimization.

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Funny corporate lessons

From the archives...

Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story : – If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story : – If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story : – Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: – “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story : – To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story : – Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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